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Healing Divorce Wounds – A New Approach
By Sonia Miller | February 21, 2008
Q: I was a child of divorce and grew up in a severely dysfunctional home. Although I’ve done a lot of personal growth work – therapy, journaling, workshops and support groups – I still struggle with low self-esteem, co-dependency, self-sabotage and bad relationships. I can talk about my issues ‘til I’m blue in the face, but very little seems to actually change in my life. Is there any hope?
A: Do not discount the work you’ve done, nor underestimate the healing that has already occurred for you. These modalities have brought you to the clarity you have today. The work you’ve done has been primarily self-focused. That’s good and important. However, now may be the time to consider entirely new venues for growth – those that are other-focused.
One powerful strategy would be to take on a volunteer commitment. Commitment, by its very nature, challenges you. It builds character. When you commit to something you relinquish the right to quit when things become inconvenient or difficult. When you have no choice but to push through your barriers, you gain new perspectives and learn new ways of being. This leads to change.
To be of service means to give freely with no strings attached. You focus on others, not yourself. If, as a child, your caregivers were wounded in their capacity to give, it is likely that a) through their role-modeling you inherited some of this wounding, and b) you developed coping mechanisms that allowed you to survive, but today limit your capacity to thrive. Commitment and service will help you push beyond your previous limitations.
For this strategy to work make sure that you have access to empowering support. Some volunteer organizations provide a formal support structure. Alternatively, you might seek an outside counselor, coach, or mentor. With the right guidance and encouragement, your service-related experiences will offer revealing mirror reflections of how you show up in the world. The opportunities to discover and express your strengths and gifts will help you integrate healthier, more fulfilling ways of being.
Choose Your Reality! tm
Sonia
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