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The Law of Attraction and Relationships – Pitfall #1
By Sonia Miller | February 3, 2008
A common Law of Attraction pitfall regarding relationships is that people focus on the form vs. the essence. Form refers to appearances – what we think our dream relationship is supposed to look like. Essence refers to the vibration – what our dream relationship will feel like. The form can be a trap because we think the form is what will make us happy. But if the form doesn’t match the essence two things can happen a) you may attract exactly what you’re looking for (i.e you dream will “look” as you expected), but still find yourself unhappy, or b) you may find yourself unable to manifest what you desire because, due to your expectation, you’ll keep missing it.
Money in relationships is a common ‘form vs. essence’ pitfall area. When I guide people through my Vision Workshop process to get clear on the relationship of their dreams, they will usually hit a point where they are exploring finances. They will make very specific lists about their dream mate’s job, income, financial status, and assets. They get caught up in appearances (the conditions of our third dimensional reality).
Now there is nothing wrong with this per se. It is great to have an image of what you want. Many people are very visual. I love and recommend collages as a manifestation tool because they engage the senses and help you to access the vibrational essence of your desire.
However, the problem arises when you are not clear about what those physical conditions represent to you. You need to identify the underlying essence. What does that image or form mean to you?
For example, maybe you want a woman who will contribute to your household financially. Or you want a man who is already wealthy. You need to ask yourself, “Why? Why is this important to me? What does this money or work ethic mean to me?”
If you don’t get to the essence of what you want, you may attract the perfect “picture” but find out that it doesn’t match some other unconscious desire.
Perhaps what you really seek in a woman who is willing to contribute financially is the essence of partnership. Maybe you’ve witnessed examples of strong women who are out there in the world and bring back a certain fiery strength and independence that appeals to you. If you’re not clear that that is what you really desire, you could conceivably attract a woman who likes to work, but not necessarily as a joyful expression of who she is. You could get the form of a woman who wants to work full-time, but she could have an entirely different essence, maybe even one that is counter to what you desire. What if she works because she feels she can’t depend on anyone to take care of her, and that means you?
And the woman who thinks she wants a man who is worth millions? If she doesn’t identify the essence of what that means to her, she may end up unhappy. For her wealth may mean freedom, power, safety or protection. Again, she may very well attract the form of wealth, but the essence of being cared for may be lacking.
As you identify what you want in a relationship, have fun making your lists and summoning the visual imagery of your desires. But don’t stop there. Go deeper and look beneath the surface. Ask yourself what it is that you really want in a relationship. As you clearly connect with your value system and the qualities you seek, you’ll be able to direct that energy into the Universe with clarity.
If you keep expecting your dream mate to look a certain way, you might look right past him or her. When you know what you really seek (i.e. freedom, connection, harmony, creative partnership, commitment, mature love, etc.) then you will be able to stay open and allow the true essence of your dreams into your life, regardless of potentially unexpected appearances.
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